No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
