fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
