Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
