what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
