I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
