Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
