everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
