In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
