Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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