I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
