video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
