im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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