So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
