My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
