i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
