dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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