Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
