I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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