in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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