There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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