I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
