im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
