Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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