So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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