Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
