I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
