Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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