This dress was meant to end up on your floor
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
