Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
