We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
