My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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