he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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