we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
