I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
