So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
