Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
