it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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