He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
