He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
