I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
