i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
