There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
