I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I believe in your delicious
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
