you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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