Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
