God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
