I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
