Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
