omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
