piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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